Sunday for Billie

From this window, I spy a woman in white heels, a team of little leaguers playing ball and a candy store I’ve been curious about. As my co- workers dance to the latest in world beat music, I tell my rude customers there no public restrooms here.

The way I usually start these letters is with a hi, how are you, followed by a list of questions that center around the state of your affairs.

I end the questioning with a hope you’re doing well (which is sincere) and break into a list of current happenings in my life.
I rant about work/school in such a way that one would think I despised them, when really the opposite was true.
I love my work and academia with all it’s flaws I just wonder how much of my identity it really is anymore. I’ve been having trouble connecting and feeling disconnected at the same time. Do you know what I mean?

Anyhow, I explain how difficult/easy everything is and at the end throw in some random information that will seem important to me but you and your efficiency will find it unnecessary.

Therefore, I have chosen to spare you. I’ll spare you the delicate details of my new life in the land of ice and snow, as you once called it. I’ll spare you the blow-by-blow descriptions of my sister high school like work turmoil.
I’ll keep the perils of her work embarrassment (Oh my god, he tried to sleep with you!) and drama (WTF! He’s sleeping with her!) to myself.

I will not bore you with the personal tales of a young woman who wanders the streets looking meaning, warmth and a little bit of perfection in a place where the most important things are frozen all year round.

Perfect is what you are willing to put up with and the real word for it is compromise. This young woman fears that with all her imperfections, she has made herself unsuitable for anyone or anything. A poisonous orchid almost.
Perfect is lying in bed on a rainy day. Perfect is getting to the last page of a novel and realizing the ride isn’t over. Perfect is sitting on the subway at 2am, writing a long love letter to no one in particular. Then mailing it.

Don’t think too deeply about what I’ve written. This is all stuff you already know.

Gotta love these ads!

Am I allowed to say that?

I don't know; I just suddenly feel like a smooth-skinned, cheating married hussy looking for action!

Especially from rich men looking for somewhere to donate their money!

For the record, I am not a therapist

That will become abundantly clear in a minute.

But I do know some things about psychology, and I am aggravated when the media gets it terribly wrong. Sometimes it is clearly just laziness. For example, once on an episode of CSI, Gil refers to "Piaget's attachment theory". Attachment theory is Bowlby. Piaget's theory is about cognitive development. A cursory Google search would have taken care of this. (I realize this is nothing compared to the complaints lawyers and actual crime scene experts have about CSI, but still.) But sometimes there are larger problems, what I will refer to here as "fake psychology".

So first off, fake psychology often ignores how psychological disorders are diagnosed. Typically, there is a big list of characteristics, and you must meet a certain number of them to qualify as having the disorder. Fake psychology will assume that having a mild version of just a few qualities from the list is sufficient for a diagnosis. So for example, here are some items the list to be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder: failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest; deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure; impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.


Now really, what man (or person, really) do you know who hasn't at times been characterized by unlawful behavior, deceitfulness, and impulsivity?


So, your idiot man is probably just an idiot. But, if you must have a label, here is my quick and easy guide to diagnosing your fucktard's personality disorder:

1) For the good of others, should he/she be in jail?
Yes --> antisocial personality disorder
No --> go to step 2
2) Does he/she remind you of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?
Yes --> borderline personality disorder
No --> go to step 3
3) Is he/she manipulative mostly to get attention, rather than resources?
Yes --> histrionic personality disorder
No --> go to step 4
4) Is he/she completely self-centered and never wrong?
Yes --> narcissistic personality disorder


Now, codependency is also a part of fake psychology, but I am inclined to cut it a bit more slack, because I think it's a useful way of thinking. It's not a real disorder, but it is a label for a certain pattern of behavior, and it is good to recognize and understand our behavior patterns. Most people, even people with problems, don't have a major psychological disorder, but that doesn't mean they don't have problems or that their lives couldn't be better.


I think part of the reason that codependency is not really recognized as a disorder has to do with a good impulse, which is to avoid blaming the victim. We should not be blaming people for being in abusive relationships, for example, even though some people get into abusive relationships over and over. Also there is the idea that being in a certain type of relationship is a situational thing, rather than an enduring personal characteristic. Though we all know that you can have a tendency to pick the same kind of partner over and over again, and that that does make it more of a personal quality. Also I think the name is stupid, but that's just me.

Ok, I'm getting off my ivory tower/high horse now.