Shalom from Crazyland

So my cousin and her husband are crazy-ass super-Republicans. A while back, they announce to the family that they are taking a vacation to Israel. And what will they be doing on this vacation? They will be assisting the Israeli army. Because what the Israeli army needs is a crazy-ass Baptist schoolteacher to come over there and straighten some shit out for them. Though they do not admit this, I think they are hoping for the end times or something.

She would say things like "It's very exciting to be fighting for the good guys." You are not fighting. You are a war tourist. You do not know enough about this to know who the good guys and bad guys are. I don’t know enough either, but I’m not taking my ignorant American self over to the desert and inserting myself into other people’s wars.

She would also talk about how she couldn’t tell us where they were, then talk about how they were taking lots of pictures to show us when they got home. Way to maintain security there!

Then there was the food. She constantly complained about the food, like how there was no milk and how there were olives served as a side dish at every meal. She would follow these complaints with comments like “I’m going to be so mad if I don't lose weight on this trip." Good to see you have your priorities in order there.

She would describe the people she met on this trip as things like "nice, but very Jewish". No shit? I mean, who did you think you were going to meet on this trip to Israel? I'm not sure that how ridiculous this whole thing was is really coming across here, but I think you get where I'm going.