Look You Stoopit Bitch...

When you say you want the job and then you confirm with me you'll be at said job on Monday morning, here's a thought.....how about you SHOW UP FOR THE FUCKING JOB BITCH!!!??? Phoning my private cell phone on a Sunday night from another fucking city no less, to tell me that 'it's not going to work out', you showing up at the job, is just not smart. Especially since you assume I don't have call display and can't fucking see that you aren't in the city as your message suggests.

Fuck you're stupid!!!! How did I not see this in you prior to the job offer? To assume that I will be able to pull another employee out of my fucking ass to replace you on such short notice is ignorant to a power beyond measure. Oh, but wait, there's more. The motherfucking ass rimming nerve of you to suggest in your voicemail message that you might 'rather take the other job I suggested that starts on Tuesday morning is mindbogglingly unbefuckinglievable!!! Ummmm, how about ..... NNNOO!!!!???

You stupid cunt, your name is mud in this little town of ours, where I have way more fucking pull than you know; and it's a good thing I do, because you working on sullying my good business name like that makes me want to filet a bitch!

and while I'm at it...fuck you Mickey! stop wasting your time sending me emails that I delete without reading. you need medication. STAT

Trucks And Trains Ruining My Life.

Ahhh.

This morning, I'm on my way to work. I'm trying to get there a little early because I have to leave early to take Mr. Junky to a job interview. The ride to work was a little more annoying than usual because it's earlier than usual, and so there is still residual traffic from the chumps who get up and go to work early in the day.

But that's ok. I'm practicing all my newfound Nar-Anon Buddhist serenity and detachment from madness. I know that if I get frustrated with the Granny driving 35 on the highway in front of me, all that will happen is I'll be mad. Granny will still be going 35. My mad can't move her. Revolutionary!

So I'm not mad. I keep driving, and I get off at my exit. There is an 18 wheeler in front of me, and it goes through the last stoplight to turn off on the main street and ends up heading in the same unfortunate direction as me. I know that the turn by my work is kind of tight, and he's going to have to maneuver his big-ass truck around this tight turn, which will take a few extra minutes and will make me a little later for work. It's ok, though, because I'm not going to get all bent out of shape about being three of four minutes later than I want to be. No big deal...I can wait. I turn my music up a little louder and enjoy a few minutes to myself.

The truck swings way out to make its turn, and another truck comes up in the opposite lane. They sit there for a bit, in a standoff of giant trucks, neither willing nor able to move. Finally the new approaching truck backs up a bit, and the truck that was in front of me moves on. I'm starting to feel acid gurgling in my stomach, but I realize that these nice truck drivers are just trying to get to their destinations, and me getting all bent out of shape won't make them move along any faster. We've conquered this obstacle, and it's ok, and work's right around the corner and over the railroad tracks.

So I'm ok. No need to get all worked up.

The truck in front of me swings out wide to go around the next corner, indicating that he wants to turn into the warehouse that's right before the train tracks on the road to my work. The acid makes its way from my stomach to my throat. I swallow it, and I tell myself one more time that REALLY, THERE'S NO NEED TO GET FUCKING WORKED UP. IT'S JUST A STUPID FUCKING TRUCK MAKING SOME STUPID FUCKING TURNS. SO WHAT IF I'M GOING TO BE 15 MINUTES LATER JUST BECAUSE OF SOME DUMB TRUCK BULLSHIT? I MEAN, I'VE GOT TONS OF MONEY. IT'S NOT LIKE I NEED TO WORK EVEN. WHY GET THERE ON TIME AND PUNCH IN AT ALL?

But I'm ok, and I swallow and swallow the bile that is now in my mouth, and wipe the sweat from my forehead, and try to breathe and breathe and relax and think about a warm, soothing white light residing deep inside of me, right below my heart and between my lungs, a serene inner spirit that protects me, a higher power guiding me down a path that was planned for me from time immemorial, a design full of obstacles and beauty and lessons and glory...

And as the truck finishes its turn, that's when I notice the caution lights blinking on the train tracks and the guard rails coming down.

let me just add...

that fucknut who swallowed half my face without a modicum of my consent apparently also fucks his undergrad students. unbelievable. and apparently after he broke up with one he got a restraining order because that poor silly eighteen-year old couldn't understand why he ditched her after he used her. UNFUCKINGREAL.

Bitch.

Bitch, look at the image I've posted here. It's a trash dump. That's what your ass smells like. And your breath.

Why do you want to keep pushing and pushing and pushing somebody? Do you know that we might bump into one another, one day? And do you know that you've pushed me past the point of no return...if I see you, I'm going to beat your dumb cunt ass. And I don't just mean some old chest-bumping bullshit ass beating. I'm going to fuck you up like a wild animal. I'm going to push my thumbs through your eyes and shit. I'm going to leave your face pulpy and bloody and nasty. Your teeth will be stuck all in your jaw.

It will be glorious and horrifying. I'm going to unleash the rage that only can come from deep in the heart of a woman whose daddy touched her funny. It's going to be like nothing anyone has ever seen. I'm going to take all that anger, all that hurt, and all the years of lies and fucked up men telling me all kinds of bullshit, and I'm going to wind it up in one tight ball of fury that will explode all in your face, you stupid fucking cunt from hell. You mean woman of shit. You dumb turd-licking slut sucking the balls of your dumb bitch best friend.