Metal Murphy

So i go to Walmart, the store we love to hate, to get chicken patties, sugar free vanilla syrup, cream, wheat buns and a tomato. I ended up picking up a few other items, a pumpkin etc which totaled 14. I suppose I asked for it. I went to the store at 4:45. Little did I know that 4:45 was the time that "He" was on duty.

In the beginning I chose his line because it was on the General Merchandise side. I figured that on that side I would miss the folks with groceries for the folks with dog food and hair styling products. The only other line open was the Express Lane for which I did not qualify with the 10 item restriction. I was a little relieved that there was one woman with a child current checking out and another older woman and her mother. I actually felt a little giddy at the prospect of waiting only 20 minutes in line!

I noticed the woman with the child (which I noticed was not wearing any clothes) had separated her food items. I thought foolishly that she might be OC and like boxed items with boxed items and cans with cans. As it turns out she was paying with the TX progam that provides certain foods to low income people. The program requires several separate small purchases done separately. This normally take time but the experienced cashier breezes through it. This is when I notice him, Murphy. Murphy is in his twenties. He is very slender with a long neck and bony face. When Murhpy smiles he flashes the most metal I have ever seen! His orthodontist loves/hates him.

He took such care with each of the mother's items. He carefully checked each product before placing it gingerly in the sack. This clothe less child begins to scream, not cry, not angry, just scream. He flashes that metallic smile and continues on his arduous task. The mother smiles. He smiles. The old ladies waiting smile. I swallow. I am swallow agitation at this point. But the kids are behaving and are deciding which Push Pop they want.

My feet begin to ache just a little, damn heels. The mother then purchases the rest of her items, beer, cokes, chips with a check. It doesn't run through the first three times, but then Murphy, never giving up, saves the day! The old ladies are piling their purchases on the belt now, refusing to scoot up at all. I counted 12 2-liter Diet Dr. Pepper (caffeine free!), a sack of dog food, sausage, meat, sliced meat, cheese, sliced cheese, bread and other small items. Now you know that the sausages didn't ring up correctly. Murphy smiles. The lady, I credit her honesty, insists on paying for an additional 20 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper because during the last tip she grabbed the woman's that was next in line and didn't mean to and she didn't pay for it! Murphy smiles. I clench my fists.

I am not angry because she is paying for a stolen soda. I am angry because as Murphy is slowly charging this lady for her items the older woman is now claiming her spot on the belt and putting her items on the belt for a separate purchase. My chicken breasts are thawing out and this old bitch still hasn't moved up. The grocery store line is like traffic, the more you inch up the better you feel!

Finally, after sorting through the mispriced sausage, commenting on the types of cheese slices are best on a ham sandwich and bagging everyone last one of those sodas separately it is my turn. By this point my children are everywhere. One is throwing a fit on the floor for beef-n-cheez and the other two are dying to see the Halloween customes 30 feet away. But mom!!!

The first thing out of Murphy's metal mouth is (can't you feel the excitement?), "Have you ever seen Heroes? It comes on ABC. I have to work until 11 but if you have a computer you can watch today's episode tomorrow!"

What? What the fuck did you just say? It took me 15 mother fucking minute's to drive here, park, get the kids inside, get the 14 items I needed and find your register. It took Metal Murphy 31 mother fucking minutes to finish checking the mother with the naked kid, the DR. Pepper grandma's to ask me if I like Heroes???? Murphy smiled.

How did he know?

Just kidding. I have never watched an episode. I hate fucking walmart.